When I was in High School I made a timeline for my life. I had very specific goals set & they basically centered entirely around marriage & children. Sure college would play a part but it was really there so I could meet "the one."
**The plan was to go to my dream college at 18. Didn't happen.
**Wait to have my first kiss with someone I was in love with. Didn't happen.
**Marry at 23. Didn't happen.
**Have my first child at 25. Didn't happen.
**Be a stay at home wife/mother while joyfully volunteering at the church. Didn't happen.
**Finish having all 4 kids, yes 4 by the time I'm 30. Umm ... so not going to happen unless I get married this month & get pregnant with quadruplets.
It really tickles me to read all that & to think of what I thought I would have been ready to tackle in my 20s. I know many of my friends have experienced this life in their 20s and have thrived but this was not God's plan for me. I was so focused on finding "the one" that I may have missed out on finding out who I am as a woman.
Looking back I would have focused more on what my passions are and how to make a living doing it. I would have travelled more. I would have laughed more and not taken myself so seriously. Now, I'm not saying I can't do this in my 30s but I shouldn't have let so much time pass by before realizing that.
With that said, the above is not what brought me to tears on Sunday. Instead it was the realization that I have gone through my 20s without having anyone special to share my birthday with. Valentine's Day has never bothered me but my birthday does because it's my day. Every year I would think, "ok, it didn't happen this year but there is always next year." I've never been in love and that really does sadden me. I had so hoped to experience that by now but it hasn't been a part of His plan for me yet and the emotion of that just took my by surprise.
Yes, I know I have been spared a lot of heartache by not going thru so many wrong relationships but can I just say that heartache is still heartache? I really am so content with where the Lord has me. I am so thankful for what He is doing in my life. And while Sunday was a very lonely day I was never once alone. He surrounded me with people & it was so incredibly precious. So instead of thinking "maybe next year" I am going to surrender my life & plans to the Lord. I still may need to mourn the "death of my teenage dreams" but I will rejoice in His protection in my life.
I'm sharing this because I know I have some younger friends who may read this & I just want to encourage you to not get so caught up in your plans for your life but rather leave yourself open to His direction. You never know what you might miss because you failed to look around every once in a while. I know God has a plan for me & I really do believe that it includes the love of a good man but until that day comes I want to live life to the fullest & enjoy every minute of my present life. Goals are good & I have some for this year but I'm surrendering control and I'm going to leave the details up to the Lord.
I love you all!!
Finding joy on the journey this Happy Valentine's Day!!
- Melody Faith
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