Why I am Still Single ...

Last week I shared an article on my Facebook page about “5 Christianese” sayings that need to be dropped in the Christian singles world. To read the article click here http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/relationships/5-christianese-relationship-cliches-stop-using It brought up a few funny comments and some disbelief that people really even talk this way. One friend made the statement that she assumed I was still single because I hadn't met the right one yet which is true. Another friend made the comment that too many people hide behind the Bible which led me to respond that somewhere down the line we've mistaken “hiding the Word of God in our hearts” for hiding behind the Word without knowing what it really means.  

We all know those people … the ones who shout “judge not lest ye be judged” (Matthew 7:1-2), “he who is without sin then cast the first stone” (John 8:7), “you should remove the log from your own eye before pointing out the speck in another person’s eye.” (Matthew 7:3-4) These are normally proclaimed whenever someone shares an opinion or conviction that’s different from someone else and they feel judged because you disagree with them. Now there are certainly times when it is presented in an arrogant and judgmental way but if someone simply has a different conviction from you then that doesn't mean they are judging you.  Besides if you read Matthew 7:1-8 the Lord isn't saying that you should never judge He is saying that if you do judge just know that you will be judged in the same way and before you take the time to point out in love the sin in someone else’s life you need to make sure the sin in your life is dealt with first. If more people practiced this then there might be fewer heated discussions on social media but who knows. J

So you might be wondering why I just spent an entire paragraph on judging people and how that has anything to do with my still being single … well it’s because I want to be completely honest with you and share with you the biggest reason I haven’t found anyone and why I can’t back down from it and I pray you won’t receive this in any way as judgment on my part. I don’t drink alcohol. I've never tasted it and I never plan to. Yes, this used to be an issue of pride for me but it’s nothing to boast about. I do have a borderline addiction to coffee and sweetened tea – those are my vices. I don’t drink because I honestly prayed about it and the Lord laid it on my heart that this wasn't to be a part of my life. I’ll be honest I had never been around alcohol in a social setting until I was 25. So staying away from it wasn't a hardship. When I was a teenager, I was never invited to the parties that had it and I certainly wasn't going to try it because it was illegal. Then I turned 21 and I thought about it but I was leader in our youth group and I didn't want that to play a role in my influence on them. Once I was no longer a leader I just didn't care to try it. Of course, given the current the situation with our family looking for another church I knew that it certainly wasn't the time to be messing with trying alcohol. I was hurting so badly at that point that I truly believe that I would have drank in order to numb the pain. That would not have been a wise use of alcohol and I believe that I would have ended up as drunk (which is a sin) and enslaved to it. On a side note: I also believe this why the Lord didn't allow me to date in High School. I’m not sure I would have saved myself for marriage. I so badly wanted to be loved – but in my mind “loved” was being found physically attractive and desirable to someone. We all know that’s not real love.  Anyway … all I know is that the Lord has given me the conviction that alcohol isn’t to be a part of my life. I have a hard enough time controlling emotional eating without adding something else to watch.

Does this mean I have friends that drink? Yes. Do I judge them for it? To be honest … yes, sometimes I do but I am working hard to not. I was raised to view it as horribly evil and because I’m not naturally inclined to rebel against my parents I was good with that especially when I heard why they had those convictions regarding alcohol. Since I am still single I started praying about how this was to play a role in my future relationships. I figured as long as I didn’t drink alcohol then I would still be honoring the Lord’s conviction that He had given me. However, I knew that at some point I would be tempted to just take a sip of whatever my boyfriend was drinking. I mean what could a sip hurt? Right? And that was just what I was thinking … I wasn’t even in a position to be offered it and I already knew I would probably say yes. I knew then that when the Lord said that alcohol was not to be a part of my life He meant that it was not to be a part of my dating life or a future marriage. Period.

That is why I am still single. There are very few who share that conviction with me and that’s ok. I would never ask someone to stop drinking in order for us to date because that’s not how the Lord has convicted them but it is not a conviction that I can compromise on. I started the summer out on Christian Mingle and I have ended the summer on Christian Mingle. My 1 month subscription ends in a few days and I am so relieved. Being on there has been a miserable experience because I find myself having to defend my convictions and in many ways it’s just another form of rejection. You send a smile only to not have it opened or it is and the guy doesn’t take the time to respond back to you. The fleshly reaction is that they aren’t attracted to you. You aren’t this … you aren’t that … blah blah blah … or someone does contact you and based off of their profile you know that you aren’t a match so you “politely decline” and they question you why. I’m not sharing this to receive your pity or anything like that … I’m sharing this so you can know that

I, Melody Faith Mullins, do resolve to stand upon the convictions that the Lord has given me even if it means I remain single for the rest of my life. I trust that if that is His will for me then He will give me the grace to accept it and change the desires of my heart, however, I will no longer be employing online dating sites in order to “find the one.” I am determined to live each day in a way that brings glory and honor to Him. I want to lead a life that reflects Him in all that I say and do. And if along the way I meet someone who shares the same convictions, has the qualities that the Lord has laid on my heart to look for and lives his life to bring glory to God then watch out world because we are going to be a dynamic duo for the Lord.:) In the meantime, I am content with who I am, where the Lord has me and will continue to find joy on the journey!

I love you all!

Blessings …

- Melody Faith