When I read this verse I see and feel hope. I am also reminded that the Lord is actively doing a work in me. A work that will not be completed until He calls me home to Heaven. There is a sense of relief that comes from knowing that as well. Everything about me ... my dreams, my desires, my day to day plans, my comings and goings are all in His hands. It's not up to me. I can rest knowing that He has it all under control.
I am guilty of over-spiritualizing things. I think there are some things in life that the Lord has given me the common sense to know what I should do in a given situation without having to pause for a 30 minute prayer conference ... if you will. Of course, there are situations where you have to make a split second decision and I believe in those moments I have felt His presence more strongly than in other times when I have had ample time to make a decision. I write all of that to say this ... I am singing again. Slowly but surely I am singing.
It's been well over a year since I stepped away from the microphone. I have sung a handful of times over the course of the last year - I can almost count on one hand the number of times I've sung in the last year. The Lord very clearly spoke to my heart last March and told me to surrender my "singing kingdom" to Him. It was the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. That step of obedience brought a ton of resistance on my part and on the part of the enemy. I remember one confrontation I had with a well meaning individual who had somehow heard through the grape vine that I was taking a break. They sought me out one day at my job for the "truth" when what they really wanted was to hear I was mad at someone or that some scandal had knocked me out of ministry for a while. I was asked what I would do if the Lord took my voice away from me for not using it. I just looked back at them and said that I would have to leave that in the Lord's hands since He was the one leading me to take this step. They asked me, "And just how exactly does God tell you to stop singing?!" I shared how it came through the sermon that previous Sunday and the person graciously accepted what I shared but followed it up with that they were glad to hear I wasn't "jumping off a cliff or something."
Growing up in the ministry, I am prepared for people to say whatever they want or feel to me. I shouldn't be surprised when they do but I'll admit sometimes I am and that day I was. I remember sitting there in shock after they walked away wondering how my taking a break from singing had any connection with me possibly getting ready to kill myself? I felt sorry for that person that their mind would even go there. What's worse is that all of this happened in front of my coworkers and I am sure they thought "wow, there's a loving, concerned church member!" Ha. Definitely made me reevaluate how I interact with those I see in public from my church. :) In spite of that one unpleasant interaction I had a sweet peace knowing that this was what the Lord had called me to do. It was time to redefine who I am. I am Melody Faith Mullins. A born again Child of God. Nothing more. Nothing less.
After I joined my current church, it was a natural progression for me to visit the choir. They have this crazy policy that after you visit for a third time you are a member. What?! So there was no avoiding that ... at ... all. I've been a part of the choir since September and I've made it into the choir loft I think 5 times on Sunday mornings so far. One reason I haven't made into the loft is merely the fact that I haven't arrived to church on time to get into the loft before the service starts. Shocking! I know. There is something about a 10:45 start time that just throws me off ... every Sunday. I am working on it! The second reason is that I kept wondering if I was allowed to sing yet.
I knew when I took the break in March of 2014 it would be until at least August. I knew that much. But beyond that I didn't know anything else. I've been waiting for the sky to open up, a dove to descend holding an olive branch in the shape of a music note and for a voice to declare "It's time. Thou mayest returneth to music!" Yea ... about that ... I have come to realize that the Lord is letting me take the lead on this one. I no longer have this need to sing, as in this is who I am, but rather I have a desire to share His message through a song to minister first to Him and secondly to those around me. When the opportunity presents itself I want to be faithful and ready to accept it but until then I am content in singing my praises to Him with soul in my KIA Soul. ;)
This Sunday, I have the honor of leading worship at local church here in Knoxville where a friend pastors. The 3 songs that my heart has been led to are Grace, Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) and Breathe on Me. My prayer for this Sunday as I share my testimony through word and song is that Psalm 40:3 will come to life. I pray that the congregation will only see what the Lord has done, will be amazed and put their trust in Him. Please keep us all in your prayers this weekend.
He has indeed given me a new song to sing and I am honored to sing it for His glory.
I love you all.
Blessings ...
- Melody Faith
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