The Semi-Official Results ...

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart;
    do not depend on your own understanding.
Seek his will in all you do,
    and he will show you which path to take.

 Don’t be impressed with your own wisdom.
    Instead, fear the Lord and turn away from evil.
Then you will have healing for your body
    and strength for your bones."

Proverbs 3:5-8

For several years now I have dealt with varying levels of exhaustion, little to no energy and intense aching in my neck and arms. I first noticed it when I was 21. It was sporadic. Some days better than others ... some seasons better than others. I just attributed it a lot to stress and being in college. I had numerous mono tests and they always came back negative. Finally, two years ago I reached the end of my rope. It was March and I had been hurting physically since November. It was starting to wreak havoc on me mentally, physically and emotionally. I finally saw someone for it and after a battery of lab tests it was determined that I have fibromyalgia (which is not determined through bloodwork) and that I tested positive for an autoimmune disease. Several more tests indicated scleroderma. I was not okay with this at all. If you aren't familiar with scleroderma then look it up. All I knew about it was that it was a nasty disease that had an awful effect on your body and would eventually lead to your death. That was all I needed or wanted to know. I was sent to a rheumatologist and was told that he seriously doubted I had it but to follow up in a few more months. I didn't follow up because of a change in insurance and this particular practice didn't accept my new insurace.

Well two years later and I still haven't seen much improvement in my overall health. I still haven't been able to figure out what to do to avoid a flare up, after all I can't control the weather. Some days when it's cold and rainy I'm extra sore and stiff. Some days it can be perfectly sunny and dry and I'm achey. If I do too much or I rest for several days or do a lot of lifting ... well you get the idea. I just don't know. So in February I had one of the worst flare ups that I've had in a while. It lasted for days. There were times that my arms hurt so bad I couldn't even lift my hands to worship and that's a BIG deal for me. Mornings are the worst. I tend to loosen up by the evening but I have to limit how much I do because it wears me out to the point it takes my breath away. It's weird because my struggle isn't visible. I don't look like I'm in pain yet I am ... I don't walk with a limp but I may take my time getting from point A to point B, sit during worship because it hurts to stand or I don't move around much at all ... it's difficult to explain and can be very isolating.

But let us get back to February, I went to my nurse practitioner and asked her if we could run some more tests because I was desperate to see a change. My labs came back and they tested a different antibody but the results were still high and pointed to scleroderma. (Now keep in mind I still haven't exhibited any of the skin abnormalites or other symptoms associated with this disease.) Well I was referred to another rheumatologist and saw him on Monday. He was wonderful - very personable and genuinely desired to help me. After my exam and review of previous labs he told me that he felt these tests were indicative of a false positive. He asked me if my skin color ever changed due to heat or cold? I told him no. I almost teased and said it only changes color when I tanned but I wanted to avoid that lecture. =) He checked my lungs and my scalp. He watched me walk and tested various muscles. Everything was perfect. He told me my skin was perfect ... oh for that to have been the case during my teenage years (!) ... and that he didn't see anything that pointed to scleroderma. He did decide to have a few more tests drawn just to be sure. Well I heard from his office today and my labs are still high but he still believes it is a false positive so unless I have any new symptoms pop up he doesn't plan to see me for another year. :)

I still don't know why my labs are coming back high but it doesn't seem to be too much of a concern right now and I don't have the energy, the time or the finances to chase rabbits. As far as the aches and exhaustion the doctor said it was fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue and most likely arthritis in my neck. So I still have a lot of questions and very few answers. I'll still have good days and bad days ... today has been particularly taxing ...so be it.

But I want to thank you for your prayers and kind inquiries. I don't know if things will turn out differently next year but knowing that the pain I have won't kill me is something I can live with ... for now I'll continue to seek ways to manage the flare ups and earnestly look for the joy that can always be found on this journey.

I love you all ...