It's 4:05 am on Sunday morning and I am wide awake. The last few days, weeks, months & even years have been so unbelievably stressful. It has felt like there has been one storm after another. And to be perfectly honest I am tired. I have hit a wall. I need to go into a "hiding mode" - a place to disconnect from the world around me & just find shelter in the arms of the Lord. He has been calling me to hide in Him for months now but I have refused to obey. Or I would have little obedience streaks for a day or two & rest then jump back into my routines & chaos. I mean, "How could I possibly take a break from what I love doing or being with the people I love? What if I am never used again or my friends all move on without me & I no longer have a place with them? Surely this is just as important as alone time with the Lord?"
I have spent countless hours seeking Godly and not so Godly counsel from friends, looking to them for some truth or spiritual nugget from the Lord. Something to excuse my disobedience and allow me to stay right where I am. And I found it. Well meaning words of encouragement calling me to serve even more & to stop focusing on myself so much. And it could be that those were the words I needed to hear at that time but they may not have been which led me to today's adventure.
After the insanity that went on this week trying to get the house ready for the auction and my grandfather being in a hospital in Jackson, TN I was torn between going & staying. Going meant a whirlwind trip after an exhausting 36 hours of straight work with my job & the house - by leaving Friday night then coming back on Sunday. My parents stepped in & told me to stay. I was told to take the weekend off, to relax and not worry over the house. I was so relieved. But then I was faced with another decision on what to do with my time this weekend. Both were wonderful opportunities to be among believers and both were well worth consideration. I was torn on what to do & then the Lord confirmed to me that I need to get away & just get quiet. So I did.
Today I went on my first real hike ever. Real meaning I had a back pack on with several layers of clothing in it to be prepared for whatever elements we might have faced, water & clif bars. Seriously now ... clif bars ... that's the real deal. =) Now given how much of an outdoorsy person I am and the strength of my athletic abilities (read with a heavy dose of sarcasm) it may surprise you to know that I was nervous about this hike. It was going to be close to 9 miles round trip to Gregory Bald in Cade's Cove, TN. 9 miles. Miles that equal nine! Gulp. I asked my friend & leader of this hike if they would be willing to be patient with me because I am not prone to this and it might take me while. I was assured they would be and I thought, "I don't think you know how patient I am asking you to be!"
So at 10am five of us met to head out on this adventure. I was pensive on the drive at first because these people clearly enjoyed hiking & do it on a fairly consistent basis. I could feel the dread rising up in me. I did not want to hold them back. They would probably hate me by the time it was over. But they were great. They were patient, compassionate, supportive & wonderfully encouraging.
I spent my day in constant prayer begging the Lord to help me go just a little bit farther. I fell twice - once on the way up & once on the way back down. Both falls were easy but still embarrassing. My legs started to feel like they weighed a thousand pounds each & my feet did not want to move. My hips started locking up on me & I kept thinking, "why did you do this?" And just about every time I would think that someone would comment on how quiet the trail was. One even went so far as to say that this was one of the quietest trails he had ever been on. I was energized at these words. Oh how I needed quiet!
Whenever I would start to think about the house & what the next steps were for me I would almost fall. I had to keep my mind focused on the path in front of me. At this point I just started smiling (all I needed to do was focus on the path before me) & that became my goal for the rest of the day to smile through the pain & just keep going! I took necessary breaks & my group was always just a few steps ahead.
I was so moved by their patience with me that I started asking the Lord to clear the fog & give us a view at the top but when we got there we couldn't see a thing. We were 4,948 feet above elevation & we were surrounded by fog. We rested. Relaxed. Laughed and then headed back down. It was a great day.
But now it's 4:49 in the morning & I can't sleep because every time I move in my sleep I am jolted by pain. My legs hurt SO bad! So I took 10 minutes to climb out of bed to take some more tylenol & to make use of the heating pad. I decided to study for the lesson that would be given in Bible Fellowship & then I read Jesus Calling for the day. And as always it was right on target.
Sarah Young writes, "Sometimes I lead you up a high mountain with only My hand to support you. The higher you climb, the more spectacular the view becomes; also, the more keenly you sense your separation from the world with all it's problems. This frees you to experience exuberantly the joyous reality of My Presence. Give yourself fully to these Glory-moments, awash in the dazzling Light. I will eventually lead you down the mountain, back into community with others. Let My Light continue to shine within in you as you walk among people again."
No, we didn't have a spectacular view but we were separated from the world around us and I desperately needed that. It was like the Lord drew a curtain around us isolating us entirely from the world below. So while I pray my friends were blessed by the hike just as much as I was I will forever be grateful for the solitude, quiet & yes, even the rest I found today. I'm looking forward to resting in Him for a while & being refreshed and revived to join back into "community with others".
On a side note: I ended up peeing on the side of the mountain today. Talk about a freeing experience!! :)
We also saw two deer as we were headed down from the top & I couldn't help but to think of "Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights. (For the choir director: This prayer is to be accompanied by stringed instruments.)" Habakkuk 3:17-19
Be blessed my friends! I love you all!
Finding Joy on the Journey ...
- Melody
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