While the first day of Autumn isn't until the 23rd
there is no doubt that everyone is already celebrating the start of Fall. In
case you haven’t heard Pumpkin Spice Lattes (#PSL) are back at Starbucks and
pretty much every other bakery/coffee place. While I LOVE a good #PSL J I’m making myself wait
till the official start of Fall. I’m all about delayed gratification. If I
order a product online I never do expedited shipping because I am cheap. I mean
if I am shopping online to get a deal and then spend an extra $15 to get it
here in a day or two then I might as well have just bought it at Target/Wal-Mart
or the other store that I was trying to avoid. It really doesn't make a
difference in my budget in the long run and I’m certainly not saving gas money …
ok I digress.
With the start of each new month and season for me there’s a hope that
this one will be so much better than the last one and up until August my life
was rolling right along. But it all came to a screeching halt. Losing a loved
one hurts so deeply. I am not ready for it to almost be a month since Uncle Ray
went to be with Jesus. It’s too soon for time to be moving so quickly. I want
to be back in the Fellowship Hall on June 22nd at Ridgeway Baptist
celebrating Mimi’s 90th birthday with the whole family again. I want
to have my phone in my hand this time so when I catch Uncle Ray asking Brantley
if he bought a ball and glove would Brantley throw with him and Brantley
nodding his head yes I could capture it in a picture. I remember thinking, “I am being so rude right now,” because I
was standing there with my sister, a former teacher and Mallory’s boyfriend in
a conversation and instead I was listening in on the “boys’” conversation. They
talked (well, Uncle Ray did most of the talking and Brantley just nodded his head) about
throwing ball, Brantley liking his new house and would he be coming with his dad to help
Uncle Ray in the press box at the BCS Saints football games this Fall? I'm so thankful that I was rude and got to witness that moment. I'd like five more minutes just to
hear the laughter in the room before the party began and after it ended when it
was just our family. Laughing at the silly things that really you’d have to be
a Mullins to appreciate … like Brantley not wanting to keep the extra balloons
so we told him he could let them go when we got outside and we’d send them to
heaven so Granddaddy Mullins could be a part of Mimi’s day too. That’s where I
would go if I could … that day … that moment … with my family ... my whole family.
But instead I am now
adjusting to a new norm, one that I have not requested nor would I have desired
however incredibly selfish that may sound. Each day is another reminder that God is
Sovereign and in control. His plans are far greater than anything I can plan or
comprehend. I am called to walk by faith and to trust Him when it doesn't make
sense. And knowing that I have family hurting just doesn't make sense to me …
it’s not that I think we are above death but I wasn't ready to watch my loved
ones walk through this. May be I’m rambling now … I don’t know. However, as I was reading some scriptures yesterday that someone had posted on their Christian Mingle profile (if I don't view the profiles I get these little notifications on the app until I do and it bugs me) in order to point someone to Christ it reminded me of another passage that I had forgotten about. It was not the "normal" verses that most use but ones that took you all over the Word of God and in the end the answer is Christ. All I could think of after reading how He is our promise fulfilled was "Amen." He's our Amen! Which then got me searching for a verse that Beth Moore had shared at the Living Proof Live event in the Fall of 2012 that I hadn't thought of since ... so even though I don't enjoy having to look at every single profile I'm matched with ... I am thankful that I looked at that one simply to reminded of this scripture because it has given me such reassurance of the Lord's promises and that He has been faithful and will continue to be no matter what. So I leave you with this passage and with a bruised heart I say "Welcome September" ...
I love you all!
Blessings ...
- Melody Fatih
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