I thought I lost something this
week … contentment.
My little ball of contentment
started to unravel last Thursday night when I received the shocking news that
one of my kids from my old church lost his mother unexpectedly to an aneurism. “Mama
Mel’s” heart broke.
On Friday, as I was headed to
Memphis for my cousin’s wedding I received a text from the sister of my very
best friend that she was being rushed into emergency surgery and to please
pray. I was already in Nashville meeting a precious friend for lunch at that
point and couldn’t turn around. I was in complete shock. I couldn’t even
process what I had just read; in that moment the Lord’s peace that passes all
understand flooded my soul and I called on other people to pray. You see my
very best friend has become a sister to me and her family has become my family.
We have walked through some dark valleys and have shouted His praises from the
highest mountains in the last 6 years together so for about 3 hours I was
completely numb. All I knew to do was to ask people to pray and to keep
driving. I knew she would be ok even though she was in many ways fighting for
her life at that very moment. The magnitude of that is not lost on me. We serve
a mighty God.
On Saturday, my strong and
beautiful cousin, Amy, married her sweet Aaron. Amy lost her first husband in
Iraq in 2004. Last year we unexpectedly said goodbye to her dad, my Uncle Ray,
as he made his entrance to Heaven. So Amy’s precious former father in law
walked her down the aisle and gave her away. It was a beautiful, beautiful God
honoring moment. The grace and dignity that she and her in laws have borne over
the last 11 years has been breathtaking and their love for Aaron is
overwhelming. I am humbled to be a part of this family. And the ceremony was so
sweet, simple and Spirit-led. One of the most holy services I have been a part
of.
Then on Monday night, my sister
and I attended the funeral of our sweet friends’ mother. It was beautiful service
but heartbreaking to see her children mourning so. There was personal pain as I
had to go back to a place I hadn’t been in for 7 years and face some memories I’d
rather forget but my sister said it best when she reminded us of all the good
things that happened there that far outweigh the last little bit of bad. My
sister is pretty amazing by the way.
Throughout the weekend and this
past week other things have popped up that have thrown me for a loop … for some
reason seeing Christians lose their cool over a beverage container and then
have to share their opinion on where the stand on that issue only to be met
with guilt memes over adoption/foster care and homelessness (all important
issues) being plastered all over Facebook didn’t sit well with me. I guess when
you see loved ones walking through raw grief you feel like there are bigger
issues at hand than pointing out the speck in someone else’s eye via social
media.
My spirit has been out of sorts.
My feeling of contentment felt stripped away. All I could see was what I didn’t
have and how easily frustrated I am becoming with the Church at large when just
last week I was secure in my Kerith Ravine. What
happened?
My circumstances hadn’t really
changed … I am still single. Being at my cousin’s wedding didn’t make that any
harder or any easier … I never take dates to weddings anyway. I did receive some
unwanted attention from the reception singer and that frustrated me a bit. It’s never the ones you want to notice you
that do. Ha. I did almost lose my best friend but I knew in my heart I wasn’t
going to. However, not being able to be there for her family was very
difficult. Facing 7 year old hurts and memories wasn’t easy but God was there
in it all. But I also realized this weekend how much I miss spending time with
my family, especially my siblings. We had one big sleepover the entire weekend
and it wasn’t enough. I need more time with my nephew. I need more time sitting
around a table with my sisters. I need more time to be picked on and teased by
my brothers. There was moment this weekend where the “original 5” were sitting
around the table talking after dinner … just like we did a few years ago. I don’t
know if anyone else caught it but there we were Dad, Mom, Brother, Sister and
I. It was a sweet, unintentional moment. I want more moments like that.
I want it all and all I could
focus on this week is what I didn’t have. I was alone, lonely and had no one to
cry to. I have wanted to cry all week
but couldn’t. I just wanted a hug. I wanted my sense of contentment back and I
wanted to throat punch the person who took it from me … whoever that was!
This morning while driving into
work I was thinking on part of Philippians 4:11” … for I
have learned in whatever situation I am to be content” when the word
learned jumped out at me. The basic definition for learn is: gain or acquire
knowledge of or skill in (something) by study, experience, or being taught.
Contentment is a choice.
Contentment is something we learn. Contentment is not a feeling. We can choose to be content no matter our
circumstances … when you are single, childless, waiting to buy a home or car,
looking to make a career change, struggling to find your purpose … whatever your
it is, you can be content in the
midst of your circumstance. Like everything else, it’s a process. But
thankfully, it’s not something we have to figure out on our own. Contentment is
a daily decision.
“Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content. I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:11-13
I didn't lose contentment I choose contentment. I am learning to be content. J
I love you all!
Blessings …
- Melody Faith
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