Dear 18 year old me -
You are in your senior year of High School and you are getting ready to graduate. You'll be happy to know that you will have your first kiss in the next 10 years and everyone is right ... it's not that big of a deal but it's done so stop worrying about it. =) Your next biggest concern is whether or not you'll be asked to prom. I'll go ahead a spare you the agony ... you won't be. Brandon will actually ask a guy to take you and it will turn out that he is the best looking & oldest guy there and you will have so much fun. So don't worry about that either. You will also be fighting the Lord over moving to Knoxville because Dad is being called to a church in that area. You'll eventually put your guard down and go. This will be one of the most amazing steps of your life. That shell that you have been hiding under is going to break loose and you are going to open yourself up to others and find out that you are funny. You are someone people actually do want to be around. You have so much to offer to others through your friendship and you will become your own person. You will discover that you have style ... a style that women compliment you on and seek advice over. Girl, you are going to blossom in the next ten years like you never dreamed would be possible!
You are also going to face some deep heart breaks ... loss of loved ones through death, through the end of friendships and rejection yet through this you are going to learn to rely on the Lord in a way you never imagined ... something you had hoped would be another 20-30 years down the road. You will face some health scares personally and with your family but it is going to be okay. You will take 6 and 1/2 years to graduate from college. You'll graduate from a college you never planned on going to but did because it was the only option. Your childhood dream of singing for a college will never be fulfilled and that is going to hurt but by going to Johnson you are going to meet some great people and for the first time have a best friend your age. You've never really had that before ... you've always had several female friends but never a best friend. The two of you may not always hang out or talk but when you do it will be like you were never parted. Cherish that ... it's a gift. You'll find yourself searching for your own church for the first time in your life. You'll find a place to hide in but a few months later you'll be led to a church where you will thrive. I can't even begin to put into words what your life is going to be like at Sevier Heights ... you'll see.
In a few days we'll be turning 28 and that timeline you had in your mind will be a thing of the past. You did not get married at 23 nor have your first child by the time your turned 25. As a matter of fact, you still aren't married, you've never been in a relationship and the odds of you having your first child by the time you turn 30 is not looking good either. Believe me, you are ok!! Take a deep breath and keep reading because there is something that I want you to know ... stop wishing your life away. Stop thinking "if only this" were to happen then I'd be happy. You've always enjoyed getting older and you still do but you've allowed yourself to believe a myth that if you were older then you'd be married, have children and no longer feel alone. Guess what I've talked to many men and women of all ages and in all stages of life and they still battle lonliness, rejection, fear and many other insecurities. That's life. The best thing you can do for yourself, for us, is to face those insecurities and surrender them to the Lord then learn to love the life you are living at this very moment. It gets tiring for others to hear you say, "I'm too old for this (You are not. Stop pretending that you are!) or if I were older then ... or someday I'll ..." You are 18 years old, 18!! You have plenty of time to get married and have babies ... but until then enjoy being single and having all the time you want to devote to serving the Lord, to singing, to writing, to laughing, to traveling ... to living. Enjoy it! Stop focusing on what you don't have and wishing things were different. They aren't ... they are better. I promise. You have a great life ... you are going to experience some wonderful things ... so don't rush it ... don't worry about it ... just take each day as the gift that it is (that's so cliche but it's true) and live your life.
You have a great community in which to share your life. You have a church that you love and the opportunity to serve people of all ages. You actually have about 4 best friends now and one of them is like your twin ... so scary and fun! You have some amazing guy friends, married and single, who may not realize it but they are teaching you so much about yourself and about men as well. Take the time to learn. Learn well. You have a wonderful family that you love dearly and that support you ... not to mention the cutest nephew with the most insane blue eyes ever. You've got it good, Girl! It's ok to dream for more but not at the expense of what you have or to the point that you are coveting what others have.
Jealousy is not joyful.
Bitterness is not beautiful.
Pity parties are not pretty.
Surrender is sexy!! (Haha ... I don't think you'll find that in the Word of God.)
Don't be afraid to turn your desires over to the Lord. Yes, He may change them but it will be for the better. I promise!!
Sincerely,
- (Almost) 28 year old you
"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one!" - Ike Reighard
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